“Fear cuts deeper than swords!” – George R.R. Martin
If you ask me what I fear the most I probably wouldn’t know what to answer. At first, I thought that I do not fear anything, I felt courageous. Silly me…I realized then that actually I fear everything.
I fear people. Not any kind of people, mostly the closest ones. They can say and do a lot of things, they can hurt you so easily and as you all know you can’t get rid off what you fear most. I’ve been hurt so many times that I had to close myself in me. I had to create this sort of shield to protect me from others and I called this shield indifference. It can be understood as an escape or a cowardly gesture. I choose not to care or at least not showing it.
But agaaaiin, it’s just a matter of perspective. Everything it’s about perspective. It depends on how I see those people, on how those people see me, what I think, what they think, what I want, what they want, what I do, what they do…huh…funny cause no matter what, they will always see what they want to see, not what they have to, and after that how can’t you just say “F**k it!”?
Courage means having the strength to move forward after you have fallen so many times, and I think I’m just crawling aside a little bit.
“Never be afraid to sit a while and think.” – Lorraine Hansberry
I did this. Guess what? People may think whatever they want to but as long as I know how I am I’m moving forward. I wasn’t born to please everybody, I was born to be myself and I know I’m not the most calculated or rational person on this planet but hey, tell me where it says that you have to be like that to achieve what you want? Or is there a timer to show you when you have to become like this? Maybe I’m on my way, maybe I’m just moving slowly. You never realize how much you have progressed until you notice that nothing’s like it used to be a while ago.
I still fear people, I fear trusting them, but this doesn’t mean I’ll stop meeting new ones and try to put my trust in them and it doesn’t mean that I’ll stop carrying about my closest ones in my way.